What sort of person am I?

Abram agreed to what Sarai said. So after Abram had been living in Canaan ten years, Sarai his wife took her Egyptian slave Hagar and gave her to her husband to be his wife. He slept with Hagar, and she conceived. When she knew she was pregnant, she began to despise her mistress. Then Sarai said to Abram, “You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering. I put my slave in your arms, and now that she knows she is pregnant, she despises me. May the Lord judge between you and me.” “Your slave is in your hands,” Abram said. “Do with her whatever you think best.” Then Sarai mistreated Hagar; so she fled from her. Genesis 16: 2-6 [events in circa 2000 BC]

How can I find out what I’m really like? How can I find out what I’m worth? Some say: “What you must do is look at yourself in a mirror. You need to examine yourself and find out who you are. Only after that will you know what you’re worth.....” The trouble with that is that I can look at myself only with my own eyes. My eyes are going to miss my bad points because I won’t consider them bad – unless I compare myself with someone better. Worse, my eyes will miss my good points because they won’t see what’s good in me – unless I compare myself with others. Yes I need a mirror. But I also need to look at others. Take a good look then at a married couple of 4000 years ago – see bold above. Look at them and have a mirror handy as well – focussed on you. Sarai and Abram had no children. She was desperate for children. Abram tended to do what pleased her. Abram may well have been delighted to spend the night with Hagar the attractive and helpful immigrant. It was a joint decision. Abram pleased Sarai – and Hagar. But when it turned out well – Hagar did conceive – it simultaneously turned out badly. Sarai now knows that the inability to conceive is hers – not Abram’s. Hagar knows that too, and smirks all the time.
.	‘We know that the righteous judgment of God falls on those who do such things. Do you suppose, O man – you who judge those who do such things and yet do them yourself – that you will escape the judgment of God?’ (Paul, writing to Roman citizens, AD 55)
The whole thing becomes abundantly clear to Sarai. She now knows the truth. She says to Abram, *“You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering. I put my slave in your arms, and now that she knows she is pregnant, she despises me. May the Lord judge between you and me.”* Yes, she even calls on Almighty God the Lord to pass judgment on Abram and to let her go scot free. He is clearly to blame. In her eyes there can be no dispute about this. Abram now needs to find an escape route for himself. He finds the perfect way out. Inaction. He need not argue his total innocence – that’s obvious. All he needs to do is pass blame onto Hagar, Hagar who did as her mistress told her to do. Not only does he pass the buck, he also passes the punishment onto Hagar. “Your slave is in your hands,” Abram said. “Do with her whatever you think best.” Then it’s Sarah turn – again. She started it now she will try to finish it. Then Sarai mistreated Hagar; so she fled from her. Interesting story? Yes, indeed. But what sort of person am I? I’ve got my mirror out. I’m looking at myself. At the same time I’m looking at Sarai and Abram. They were happy. I’m happy.
.	‘Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to change your mind?’ (Paul, writing to Roman citizens, AD 55)
I’m happy looking in the mirror. Why show me something else to look at – especially a 4,000 year old incident – even if carefully preserved in the Archives of Israel, the nation God once called his own people. The nation which gave Jesus over to the Romans to be killed. And what if I’m doing what Abram and Sarai did? Surely my own deeds are well-covered. All that God will hear is me criticising people like Abram and Sarai. He doesn’t listen to poor immigrants. And, even if he does, he’s a God of love. I’ll get away with it.

Richard Syvret

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